i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
