Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
