sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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