Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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