I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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