Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
