Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize