I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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