She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
