Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you would pick up someone in the library
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
17 year olds will be the death of me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
