Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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