This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
