I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
