i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
