my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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