I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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