i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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