Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
