Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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