therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
