You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
