And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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