we made out on top of his cat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
