Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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