She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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