I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When are your genitals available?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
