id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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