I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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