Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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