I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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