those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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