I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
