mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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