She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
