Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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