Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Of course I have a pirate flag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
