He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk is not a location!
Damn victory sex feels great
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
