Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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