do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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