WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
