i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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