I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
