make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
