put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then he tried to convert me to islam
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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