Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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