yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
