Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she looked like the before picture.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
