I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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