They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
