so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
