i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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