The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
