Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
