I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
