they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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