I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
