Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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