She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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