guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
