Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
