using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm like, not good at living.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
