Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
