pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
