Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
