he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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