a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
