I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
