imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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