VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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