You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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