Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
