Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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