It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
