PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
