I hate all girls vehemently.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
