Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How drunk are you?
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