my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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