remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
