just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize