I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
