I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize