I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
