I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
