youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
