Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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