it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
