We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
