i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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